Personal Blog Posts

Hello! Welcome to this part of the website: my personal blog! I'll probably talk about school, family, and internet things here. Maybe even some poetry/writing prompts will be posted. If you want to see some of my art, I'm going to start coding another webpage soon. Have a fun time. :~)


i started to research some VPNs recently. applications that protect privacy has been pretty confusing to trust because a lot of VPNs actually log your actions and puts basic security behind a paywall. i feel like if the web didn't get overly monetizable and making servers cost money, a lot more people would be safe. i blame corporations trying to pull every trick in the book to manage your life online and selling that information to other corporations has practically ruined online life entirely. not only that, hostile hackers (people who hack working class/normal people) are on the level of corporations on making online life a hell hole. advertisements shouldn't be on basic security softwares nor should you have to pay to keep people safe.
there's also the problem with AAA game companies trying their hardest to make gameplay implementations that would enhance a gaming experience behind multitudes of paywalls. expansion packs upon expansion packs that would just be better if they were already incorporated into the game itself. this would mitigate most attempts of piracy altogether. hell, even just reasonably pricing games would be great. there's no reason a carbon copy Military FPS #322 with base line game mechanics but """FANTASTIC GRAPHICS""" should be $50-$65. i think this goes hand-in-hand with game companies screwing over their employees to get the maximum amount of profit. this leads to worktime crunch and no collective culture around recognition for practically anyone who works or had worked on their games. i barely know any AAA game developers and directors. maybe most of this is due to the economic culture and system we operate under. the worker gets no recognition while the business owner, who did nothing but say yes to an idea, gets everything including money and status. and if the game is completely trash, the workers get dogshit in return from both the business owner AND the people who played the game.
a rushed game will forever be a failure because of the upper class within the company that approved of crunch time, not the workers who need to eat.


the layout for this page isn't the best but it's fine for now. i'm getting more and more tired but i think it's just fatigue from school. i've been drawing more recently but i'm growing more frustrated in my faults. i'm also growing more frustrated with how little attention my art is getting even if i post it in casual servers on discord. it's been a problem for a long time. i'm wondering if it's my style or lack of comprehension of promoting myself. whatever. it'll figure itself out. i'm just tired of putting my all into everything and getting nothing as a response. i used to post on twitter and it hurt my heart incredibly seeing the interactions i would get. tumblr is better but only by a little bit. i don't want to force myself into drawing fanart for media i don't even like just so i can have more interaction.
i know other artists are always saying "don't worry about interaction! draw for yourself!" but i do draw for myself. all the time i do. but, when i draw to share with others, i get little input from people. it could just be my audience size but that's not even it. people who don't even follow me on tumblr like my posts. i'm trying to put myself in a specific niche and it's just not working. it feels hostile being an small artist online. it's like shouting into a crowd of people and only one person turning to look at you. it's not even a void; people look but don't care. i keep finding myself criticizing everything i draw and think that's the problem when really no one cares if i don't have "5k followers" slapped to my name. i'm going to watch more videos and maybe code some more. sorry for no update today. i hope you're having a good saturday.


erghh!!! the neocities website builder is making my brain go crazy. i had to alter code from my notepad++ html document just to make sure at least some aspects are still present. i genuinely don't understand what's going on. it looks perfect when i open my personal copy but as soon as i view the neocities website, i need to add an embedded style sheet, rearrange multiple areas, and completely redo code. maybe it's just the effects of my personal copy being transferred over?? idk. hopefully i can work it out.


hii!! i finally got a somewhat coherent blog layout going on now. this page isn't useless anymore! yayyy!! i'll update this site when i want to. i'm prioritizing the design of the website over the content right now. i will definitely come back to this page! unrelated, but, i'm going to watch one of the Re-Animator movies again. i might finish Frightmare (1983) but it depends on the website i'm using to watch it. it keeps freezing and the video crashes after awhile. i can't find any other place to watch it besides buying a dvd (my cashapp is extremely empty lol). i might open commissions yet again but i don't have faith in people being interested in it. i hope you guys are having a nice friday and a nice night.